i cant describe the exact feeling of a low, there are no words...
all i can do is say the effects it has on me... the emotions, the physical effects.
but there is no way to properly describe it so people understand.... the only way to understand is to experience it yourself...
they make me feel so vulnerable. its like being a small child again, they make me realise that life is so fragile and can be lost in a matter of moments.
lows scare me. in fact, scared doesn't even cover it.... they terrify me. what if my levels don't go up? what if i collapse? what if no one finds me and its too late? what if.....?? that's the problem with lows, theres always the unpredictability of them....
today i had a hypo. one which wasn't caused by too much insulin, one which wasn't expected or explainable.... i simply went low after i had been at work all day... i didn't even have any insulin in my system, no background, no rapid.... nothing.
i wasn't prepared... i didn't have any long acting carbs... i didn't have enough strips... i didn't have enough hypo treatments with me.....
i was scared. i was alone. i was on the brink of tears knowing that the one time I'm not ready for the worst... it happened.
the biggest problem was that i was about to drive.... i had one testing strip left, no long acting carbs and less than one bottle of lucozade to sort it.... i know that when i drove home i was breaking almost every rule that i said id stick to when i got my license.
I'm meant to wait 45mins after a hypo before i drive again.... i barely waited 5mins. I'm meant to test before i drive AND have a level above 5mmol.... my meter said 3.4 when i tested, but I'm sure i was waay lower... i don't know if i was above 4 let alone 5 by the time i started driving... and i said that id always carry enough treatments with me in case the worst did happen....
maybe i should see this as a reminder that i need to get myself sorted and start doing it all properly... i will eventually.... its just gunna take some time... lets just hope that nothing like this happens again in the meantime
""""maybe i should see this as a reminder that i need to get myself sorted and start doing it all properly"""" those are the words Ive been waiting for you to utter, please dont leave it as empty words, use this experience as a platform to build on, next time you may not only endanger your life but also the lifes of innocent drivers, passengers, and pedestrians. you need to get on a DAFNE course as soon as possible... take care sweetheart.
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