readjusting

i still haven't got my head around what the consultant said... its almost like I've been diagnosed all over again.

well i have, but i haven't.... if that makes any sense at all.

when i was first diagnosed there was so much to get my head around.... the fact that this was gunna be with me for life, the fact that i would have to be more careful, have more check ups with docs, have holes in my fingers from testing, have endless amounts of meds to take.... it was a big thing.

now I've gotta get my head around the fact its genetic. the fact i could pass it on to my children. the fact that not many doctors know about mody so there isn't much information about how my diabetes will progress in the future. I've looked it up and I've found information saying that my beta cells will eventually fail all together. i can believe that as even within the last 2yrs they are definitely producing a lot less insulin now than they did to begin with.... but that does mean that eventually i will be totally dependent on insulin...

it all still feels like a dream really....

then I've had a rough few weeks... my levels have been almost constantly high running mainly between 10-25mmols.... that's a good thing in some respects as I'm starting to get my hypo awareness back, but its making me feel rubbish...

I've had enough of it all, its making me feel totally shit. people don't get it. they don't see the pain i get when i run high a lot, they don't see how thirsty, sick or grumpy it makes me, they don't see how totally defeated i feel when i cant get my levels back into range and keep them there for more than an hour. when i say I'm feeling rough or not in the mood i really do mean it. I'm not just making excuses...

basically I'm trying to get my head around an awful lot at the moment, so if i don't seem myself that could be why.... i apologise in advance for that.