lucky?

I'm lucky.... i had almost 17years with a fully functioning pancreas. i was able to have a care free childhood. i was able to get through primary and secondary school without feeling 'different' because of diabetes. before diabetes came i had a normal life. not everyone has that.

i was diagnosed a week before starting college so i don't know what its like to go to college every day without my test kit and medication (whether that is tablets or insulin). i don't know what it feels like to go out drinking without constantly thinking about sugar levels and whether I'm hypo or high. i don't know what its like to drive without testing before and after each journey, and i don't know what its like to not have a restricted licence with the possibility of it being taken away due to diabetes. 

however.... i do know what the carb content of a variety of foods are. i do know what its like to go to bed at night worrying about whether my sugar levels will go so low that i wont wake up in the morning. i do know what its like to sit and watch everyone start eating their meal while I'm still doing the math to figure out my insulin dose. i do know what its like to fight doctors, nurses and consultants for tests or medications that i need to stay healthy and avoid losing my sight and limbs when I'm older. i know what its like to worry about whether i have enough test strips and insulin to get me through the week. i know what its like to pack my insulin and test kit in my bag before my college books and phone. i know what its like to need to carry a bag around because its almost impossible to go without one. i know what its like to be labelled with a chronic illness by everyone and anyone.

i really admire the children who deal with this on a day to day basis and still wear a smile on their face. i admire all of their parents who stay up at night and work throughout the day trying to be a pancreas so their children can be 'normal' like everyone else. i cant imagine what it feels like to watch your child go through it everyday.

diabetes isn't easy and it isn't fun. its the first thing i think of when i wake up and the last thing i think of before bed. its on my mind almost all of the time and although it might not look like it, i am constantly thinking about when my next meal is, when my last insulin dose was, whether i feel hypo or high and whether or not I've got everything i need. diabetes has become my life. its hard to believe that 2years ago my priorities were different and i knew nothing of the life i live now. its hard to believe that a few words can change your life completely. but they do and life carries on. so this is how i have to live until a cure is found and i can return to my old life.

there are times when i want to strangle the person who tells me that diet drinks are bad for me (so are normal ones according to my meter!) or the one who complains that sometimes i eat all the sugary food and sometimes i refuse to eat it and kick up a fuss about it ("yeah i do have reasons but your not gunna understand because you aren't diabetic..."). but we live and learn... there will be a day when people are actually educated about diabetes and all of that will be a distant memory...