4 Years

Its been 4 yrs.

4yrs since i was sat in that doctors room feeling small and scared

4yrs since i was handed a glucose meter and medication being told that my life would change forever. 

and they were right

Life has changed hugely. I'm not as carefree as i used to be. I am more aware of food and the effect it has on me. I'm regularly at the doctors for appointments with different people to discuss different things. I have holes in my fingers from testing my levels and marks over my body from the insulin injections. 

I have struggled. I'm willing to admit that. 

In fact, I've still not come to terms with being diabetic, with being different, with this being a life long incurable condition. 

But i wouldn't change it.

that might sound mad, but its also brought a lot of positives to my life. 

I'm more independent now, I'm more knowledgeable about my body and do more to take care of it, Ive met some amazing people both through the diabetes online community and the diabetes UK events that I've volunteered on (both of which i wouldn't be part of if i wasn't diabetic) I'm more capable of fighting for what i want and more determined to achieve things that i want in life.

So yes, my life has changed, but its not all bad... so today is to remember and celebrate how far I've come.

burnout, uni and summer - recapping whats going on

its been a long time since ive posted on here, i know that.... 

i also know ive been wanting to write for a while but dont really know the words to say what i need to say

the last few months have been tough, theyve been a whole mix of feelings and thoughts both about diabetes and other aspects of my life.

uni has been stressful and im now having to make decisions about next year and the future with applying for jobs and doing my dissertation. I cant believe that i have already finished my second year at uni and that the end is so close. The real world is becoming more of a reality every day now...

However i am managing to get through it and finished this year with an overall 2.2 which im pleased with :) 

diabetes wise things have changed massively. Last time i posted i was in the middle of a massive diabetes burnout. I wasnt coping at all with the injections or testing, I wasnt coping with the amount of weight i was putting on when i was doing the injections properly and i wasnt coping with being different and having to think so much about diabetes all of the time.

Ive started to change that now though, in april i was changed back to a mixed insulin to help me cope better with it so rather than having to do 4+ injections a day, i now only have to do 2 which in some respects is great... but then im still not getting great control... dont get me wrong, my control is way better than it was by not injecting at all and my hba1c has gone from 8.1% to 6.8% in 4 months, but its still not as good as i would like....

I still struggle with making sure i take it every day, but slowly i am getting there thanks to the support of my dsn. For now, im sticking to the mixed insulin because at the end of the day some insulin is better than no insulin and with next year just around the corner along with all of the stress that this brings i dont feel ready to go back to the basal bolus regime... we will see though and i will talk to my diabetic nurse when i go back to uni.

and now begins the summer holidays which therefore means being very very busy.... working 10hrs every day for 5 out of the 6 weeks and then volunteering on a childrens holiday for diabetes uk for the other week means that im going to be on the go most of the time and wont have much time to myself to blog or do anything else...