diabetes burnout

this last week has been tough on the old diabetes front... this week alone has caused more tears and frustrations about diabetes than ive had in a while.

but i didn't realise that what I've been going through for the last few months was diabetes burnout. i just thought that i was being silly and struggling unnecessarily.

its really difficult to explain to someone what I've felt like for the last week or two. theres so many conflicting thoughts and feelings that nobody could ever understand unless they've gone through the same thing. like, I've been taking insulin and testing, but not been bothered by whether I'm high or not... and then I've wanted to give up and stop the whole lot, but i know i cant so i battle on. but battling on isn't always the best thing to do, for me it just makes things worse, much worse..... battling on means that i just bottle everything up, because to look happy on the outside means keeping everything on the inside where it just eats away and makes things worse.

so this week.... its been a disaster. moving to uni has been the worst thing ever diabetes wise. especially as I've had to change gp and diabetes team meaning that in the middle of this burnout, I've just not wanted to sort any of it. and i still haven't sorted any of it. now that's been a problem. a really big problem. this week i ran out of rapid insulin. not the end of the world cos i had some insulatard (longer acting mixed insulin) left, but enough of a disaster to mean that until yesterday i was running high almost constantly..... why yesterday? because yesterday i decided to go to the pharmacy to see if they could give me an emergency supply of novorapid (rapid insulin) but this stuff isn't cheap if you don't have the prescription for it, i paid out £16 for 2 cartridges of the stuff.... normally i pay nothing and get 5 cartridges at a time.

so my challenge for next week? get my gp sorted so i can get prescriptions again. i don't wanna be paying out for anything else. especially test strips.... but as far as the burnout goes, I'm gunna have to take stuff slow so i don't overwhelm myself with it and fall even further down than i already am. because it really does suck feeling the way I've been.