trust

trust.

such a small word, but such a big issue for me. 

i find it so hard to trust people. for me, people need to show me that they will stick by me and help me when i need them to for me to trust them... they need to be consistent with what they do and show they care.

sometimes people don't realise how much of an issue it is for me to trust others. i try not to show it, but I'm so used to being let down over and over again by everyone that i now expect to be let down... it almost feels like i deserve it sometimes. I've built walls up for protection and i rarely let people in. i see it as a huge risk letting people see the absolute real me, it makes me feel too vulnerable. 

trust plays a huge part in my relationships with other people, there are only a few people that i trust enough to share what really goes on in my head with. people that i know wont just walk out of my life and screw me over or judge me with the stuff they know.

trusting doctors is another issue i have. the amount of times I've been let down by them in the last 2 1/2 yrs has just totally screwed up any ounce of belief i had in them. that makes it so difficult for me when it comes to getting help with diabetes....

trust is a huge thing to me, I'm getting there slowly with it and I'm learning to trust people more, but sometimes that's hard. sometimes my insecurities build up and the trust i have for people is questioned. i just need people to stand by me when that happens and help me through.