today i came back after my holiday to the isle of wight. i had a good week and it was nice to spend some time away from the stresses of everyday life. the place we stayed at also didn't have any access to the Internet so i had a week off of facebook and twitter etc.... it was nice, but without the DOC (diabetes online community) i found it extremely hard to actually bother with diabetes.
so i had a week of highs. my 7 day average on my meter is 10.6mmols..... not good seeing as normally its in the 7-8mmol range. i know where i went wrong. its all my own fault. basically i had a week where I didn't test as much, i didn't inject at all some days (on other days i might have like once?) and i ate what i wanted.
another problem i had was basically forgetting that i was diabetic..... i know that sounds silly, i expect most people will wonder how that happens when i have lived with it every day for almost 2yrs, but its possible.... when your out and you and the rest of the family are eating ice cream its easy just to carry on, forgetting that it contains carbs and because your diabetic it will spike sugar levels.... its possible when your on the beach and your kit is lying a couple of feet away, but your having a picnic and simply forget that before you tuck in you need to test and inject. but mostly, its possible when you just simply don't want to inject in public that day. you just want to sit there and eat at the same time as everyone else instead of waiting. you want to be able to eat lunch without the people staring while you inject on the beach or in the restaurant, because even if i say i don't care about the looks, i do really. its possible because in that fraction of a moment thinking about diabetes you feel very alone. you feel isolated from the rest of the world because they simply don't understand.
i know I've said it before, but unless you actually deal with diabetes every day you actually have no idea just how much of an effect it has on your life. do you have any idea how hard it is to explain to people why you HAVE to have the diet or zero options of fizzy drinks, or why you refused the sugary food yesterday but today you are eating it? no? ok, well its hard. especially when your the only one making these requests. this week as we were having lots of picnics and stuff and we had cans of fizzy drink, thing is, diet coke gets a little boring after a while (other people drink it not just me, but it was the only diet drink we had) so i asked if we could get some fanta zero or something similar so i had something different to drink.... my reply? "no, you can just fill up a bottle with squash or something.... its cheaper" so just cos my pancreas is a pain and doesn't produce enough insulin means that i don't get the same stuff as everyone else? i must admit this made me very angry and upset, especially as this came from a family member.... as it happens i did get some (after some persuasion) but i shouldn't have had to persuade them in the first place.
diabetes is a pain. its never ending, exhausting and makes you feel different. its there no matter what, whether your on holiday, sick or just wanting a break.
for me, the DOC makes diabetes far more manageable to deal with, they give me the motivation to get on with it every day, they are the ones who understand exactly how hard it is and how annoying it is to deal with other peoples ignorance. its them who make the problems that diabetes causes more like mole hills than mountains. its because of them that i test and inject and have decent levels. its because of them that I'm still coping today. they are there when i need to talk to someone no matter what time of day or night, they are there to give advice when i need it and when i simply need help to pick up the pieces when diabetes makes a mess of things. for that i am eternally grateful to them, i don't know what i would do without them...... but i have a feeling things would be very different and my control would be a lot worse.
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